Evil Is As Evil Does
by Sydella
Summary: In an alternate universe, Gokudera is a demon Haru marries in order to save her father. What will happen to them from now on? 5986, 8027 and 6996.
1. Chapter 1

Once, eight demons ruled over the human world. They travelled from one part of the world to another, looking for human souls to harvest. In fact, that was what they called it-the Harvest. (Demons can be very literal-minded.) One cold winter night, they stopped to rest in a town called Namimori. Their allies questioned this move (in particular, a member of the fourth circle of Hell named Lussuria lamented that Namimori was "horrendously unfashionable") but the leader of the octet, Tsuna, was insistent. And so they claimed an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of the town for themselves. Tsuna then had the brilliant idea of throwing a party for inhabitants of the town. It would be a good opportunity to attract prey. News spread fast in a town as small as Namimori and soon the party was in full swing.

Haru Miura was among the partygoers. She was ostensibly there because some of her classmates had dragged her along, but the real reason was because she had heard that the party hosts were not what they seemed and had the power to grant wishes. Haru's father had been seriously ill for a long time and now he was dying. Haru hoped to prevent him from dying, no matter what the cost. She would do whatever it took to save her beloved daddy.

Weaving her way through the crowd, she looked around, searching for Tsuna and his underlings, who were ensconced in a private area on the second floor, observing the partygoers.

"Have you seen anyone suitable yet?" Yamamoto asked, glancing at his boss and lover.

"Mm, nope." Tsuna pouted. "Somebody get me a drink, I'm thirsty."

"I'll do it!" Gokudera said eagerly, and rushed down a flight of stairs. The crowd parted for him like the Red Sea, recognising him as one of their hosts. Gokudera reached the bar and placed an order. As he turned to head back, he caught sight of a young girl staring at him. His Harvest-sense (to use the term Tsuna had coined for it) tingled and he made his way over to her.

"Hello," he said, the syllables of human language feeling odd as they rolled off his tongue.

"Hello," she replied. They stood awkwardly in silence for a few moments, then Gokudera cleared his throat. "So, um, would you like to go someplace quiet? My fellow hosts and I would like to extend a warm, personal welcome to you."

Her expression darkened. Both knew that she wasn't fooled. Nevertheless, in a moment of mutual understanding, they instinctively knew to keep up the charade. Haru forced a smile and said, "Sure, I'd love to!"

Playing along, Gokudera bowed and gestured towards the nearby staircase. "After you."

They ascended the stairs. About halfway up, Haru paused and gazed at the partygoers below, as if she knew that this was probably the last time she would look upon normalcy. After this brief detour, she pressed on with renewed determination.

Gokudera handed Tsuna the drink and positioned himself behind his boss's seat. Tsuna took a sip, eyeing Haru speculatively over the rim. "Who are you and what business do you have with us?"

"My name is Haru Miura. I have heard…" Haru swallowed hard. "…_things _about you, and I…I want to save my father's life."

Tsuna stared at her. "Hmm." A short silence ensued as he pondered. His underlings waited with bated breath for his verdict. Gokudera studied the girl and found her rather unimpressive by his standards. Yamamoto grinned and played with Tsuna's hair. Ryohei shifted restlessly from one foot to the other. Hibari's expression was unreadable. Mukuro looked amused. Chrome, the lone female of the group, rarely had a chance to interact with other females, much less human ones, and inched forward curiously to get a closer look. Lambo stifled a yawn, glancing between his boss and Haru expectantly.

"Why, yes, I do think you will be quite valuable to us," Tsuna finally declared. "Any Harvester worth their salt would be happy to have you. So whom do you want to make a deal with?"

Haru looked around at the coterie of demons and made her choice. "You," she said, pointing at Gokudera.

"M-me?!" Gokudera spluttered.

"What's wrong with that?" Haru asked. "You're the one who picked me up off the dance floor."

"I did not _pick you up_," Gokudera hissed. The Fates were not being kind to him today. He wanted to Harvest someone of high rank in the world, a president or a monarch or a prime minister. At the very least, a Hollywood celebrity. Instead, he was saddled with this slip of a girl.

Haru scowled, her expression reflecting the displeasure he was feeling. "Well-" she began to say, but Tsuna interrupted her.

"I'm sure you two will get along swimmingly," he said smoothly. "Gokudera-kun is Miura-san's choice, and we must abide by the rules of the Harvest." His tone, while mild enough, brooked no opposition.

Gokudera and Haru both bowed. "Yes, sir," they chorused meekly.

"Very well." Tsuna stood and did a little twirl. "Gokudera-kun, you're already familiar with the necessary procedure, so I'll leave you to it." He wandered away, Yamamoto trailing after him.

Gokudera turned to face Haru. "Let's get this over with, shall we?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes."

Gokudera clenched his jaw. Such insolence! She was nothing but a mere mortal. She should feel honoured that he was even bothering to waste time on her. Well, no matter. Sooner or later, her time would run out and he would move on to other, worthier humans without a second thought. He knelt on the cold floor and indicated that she should do the same.

"Haru Miura, mortal and eighty-sixth supplicant to be bound to my will," Gokudera said, his voice deeper and more authoritative now. "In exchange for your father's life, you will agree to be married to me for a year."

Haru's eyes widened in shock. "Wait a minute, marriage?! No one ever told me that was part of the deal!"

"You should have read up on this sort of thing, shouldn't you?" Gokudera remarked coldly. "Well, if you back out now, your father will die. Your loss, not mine."

Haru glared at him. She wished she could just turn her back and walk away, forget that any of this had ever happened. But images of her bedridden father fighting for his life flashed through her mind and she knew that there was no third option. Steeling herself, she said tersely, "I'm not going to back out. Let's do this."

Gokudera did his best to hide his disappointment. "Fine."

They resumed making the deal. Haru had to promise that she would not be unfaithful to him or the arrangement would be rendered null and void, immediately resulting in her father's death. In exchange, Gokudera had to promise to heal her father completely and bestow a blessing on him to grant him good fortune and protection from disasters. They had to hug to seal the deal, which was rather awkward. Mukuro put a hand over his mouth to conceal a smile.

"Done," Gokudera said wearily, climbing a little unsteadily to his feet. He was feeling somewhat worse for wear because his human form was much more fragile. Of course it wasn't because the hug had felt strangely pleasant. Or so he told himself. Leaning against the back of Tsuna's couch to steady himself, he blinked and looked around. "Where's Boss?"

"Currently preoccupied with his lover, no doubt." Mukuro smirked.

Gokudera blushed. "I see." He glanced back at Haru, who was looking a little lost. "Do you want to see your father now?"

"Hahi! Yes!" she nodded vigorously. "Let's go!"

They left. Chrome was confused. "What's 'hahi'? Is it a new word? I am well versed in modern human languages but have yet to encounter this word."

"Humans are wonderful," Mukuro replied, in his vague way. "Come here, my sweet Chrome."

The two pineapple-haired demons stood close together, having the kind of furtive, mostly non-verbal conversation that only people who share a mental connection can have. Hibari glared at them suspiciously, muttered something about herbivores and curled up on Tsuna's unoccupied couch. That left Ryohei and Lambo to watch Gokudera escort Haru out of the warehouse. Even from a distance, it was evident that Gokudera and Haru were already off to a bad start.

"How long do you think they'll last?" Ryohei asked. "I have extremely low expectations."

"I give them two months, tops." Lambo stretched, catlike, and eyed a group of attractive young women on the dance floor. "More importantly, I think I see some souls ripe for Harvesting."

"Make sure that you actually do Harvest some souls," Ryohei said reprovingly, though his mild tone took the sting out of his words.

"Got it." Lambo waved a hand airily and walked away.

Meanwhile, in the town hospital, Haru was leaning over the prone form of her father. Trembling, she kissed his hand and anxiously stared at his face, waiting for signs of life to appear. Suddenly, he slowly opened his eyes and looked at her. "Daughter?" he said hoarsely.

"Yes! Yes, Dad, it's me!" She hugged him tearfully. "Oh, I can't believe this. I'm going to call Mum. She'll be so happy."

In her jubilant state, she momentarily forgot about Gokudera and the deal she had made with him. When she remembered and tried to look for him, he had disappeared. As she and her mother helped her father to readjust to daily life, her feelings fluctuated between happiness and apprehension.

_What exactly are the terms of this so-called marriage of ours, anyway? He never specified… _


	2. Chapter 2

Gokudera was hiding from his wife.

Why? you might ask. Because no matter how much he thought about it-about _her_-he just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he was now married to her, of all people. He, Hayato Gokudera, one of the most powerful and attractive beings in the world, married to a painfully ordinary human woman who had never accomplished anything worth speaking of? Unacceptable! Despicable! But this was undeniably a predicament he had gotten himself into, and now he had to see it through. There was no alternative.

Mukuro was amused, of course, if the amount of times he teased Gokudera about the whole matter was any indication. Gokudera took to avoiding him as much as possible, which was easier said than done since Gokudera was the indoors type and spent a lot of time sulking at Tsuna's residence.

"At least call her if you don't want to talk to her in person," Tsuna urged. Two months had passed and the baby-faced leader of the underworld was sitting on his usual couch, watching Gokudera pace up and down his living room.

"I can't, boss," Gokudera said desperately, pausing and turning to face him. "Even hearing her voice is too much."

"Why is it too much?" Tsuna queried. "Do you hate her that much?"

"Yes! I mean no! I mean…" Gokudera took a deep breath and resumed pacing. "I just don't feel ready to talk to her, that's all."

Tsuna sighed and shifted slightly. "Well, come what may, she is still your wife, even if just for a year. Communication is important in a healthy relationship."

Gokudera stifled a groan. Normally he would find Tsuna's tendency to spout nuggets of human wisdom adorable, but today he felt as if Tsuna, like everyone else, was out to get him. Before he could formulate a response, Mukuro and Chrome entered the room.

"The Varia legion have been rioting," Chrome informed Tsuna. "They want to know what upper management plans to do with their circle of hell."

Tsuna sighed. "Six thousand years and they still haven't learned patience."

"Kufufu. Can you really blame them, though?" Mukuro remarked. "I'd be bad-tempered too if I had to answer to Xanxus."

"True," Tsuna acknowledged, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I suppose I should intervene before they get too unruly. Yamamoto, make a note in my organiser."

Yamamoto, who was lounging in a far corner of the room, pouted. "Is that all I'm good for now? Managing your schedule for you? At least reward me for being so devoted to the love of my life."

Tsuna smiled. "I'll reward you later. Right now, just do as I say. Please?"

Yamamoto grinned and bounded to his feet. "You betcha!"

While his boss and teammates talked animatedly amongst themselves, Gokudera watched them, feeling gloomier than ever. Here were two couples who had built strong bonds and were clearly still in love even after millennia of being together. Whereas Gokudera was struggling to figure out the marriage deal he was currently trapped in. With a sigh, he turned to leave, and bumped into Hibari.

"Herbivore." The word left Hibari's mouth in a low growl.

Gokudera hastily retreated. "Sorry. Didn't see you there."

Hibari said nothing, merely glowered at him and walked towards Tsuna, who looked up expectantly as the herbivore-hater approached.

Without preamble, Hibari announced, "That woman is here. At the front gates." He looked at Gokudera. "She wants to see you."

Gokudera spluttered. "W-well, tell her I don't want to see her!"

"Tell her yourself," Hibari responded curtly. "Some of the other legions are already hungry for her soul. I suggest you get out there and protect your wife before someone takes her for _their _Harvest."

"No way," Gokudera muttered. The ravening masses could have Haru Miura for all he cared. In fact, they were doing him a favour. He would be glad to be rid of his erstwhile bride. No force on earth or in hell would ever convince him to play knight in shining white armour-

"Gokudera-kun?" Tsuna gave him a beseeching look.

Ah, but there he was. The one person who could make Gokudera do anything. "Okay," the beleaguered husband said, shoulders sagging in defeat. He trudged out wearily, aware of five pairs of eyes fixed on his back as he left.

At the gates of hell, a battle was taking place as hordes of demons shoved each other, frantically trying to reach one very scared and angry Haru Miura. "Hahi! Stop! Go away!" she yelled at them from a spot on top of the left gate, where she was perched precariously. "I'm not a piece of meat to be fought over!"

Gokudera fought an urge to roll his eyes and pushed his way past the attackers until he was standing in front of the gates. "Come down from there. I'll catch you."

Haru looked uncertain, but after a few seconds of hesitation, she made a surprisingly acrobatic leap into his arms. Her would-be assailants began jeering and catcalling. "Give her to me," Belphegor, a blonde, tiara-wearing Varia legion member who considered himself royalty, called out. "She's not yours to keep, peasant."

"Oh yeah? Says who?" Gokudera gave the blonde demon a challenging stare. "She's my wife, you know. I'm Harvesting her soul in exchange for…well, something." As much as he disliked Haru, he also valued privacy and didn't want to divulge Haru's secrets, especially not to a leering, sadistic fake prince like Belphegor.

The crowd quieted and looked disappointed. Even hell spawn had to adhere to some form of moral code, and interfering with the Harvest of another demon, especially a high-ranking one, was out of the question. Without another word of protest, the crowd slowly began to disperse. Foolish Belphegor, however, remained undeterred. "Such a pretty and innocent girlie," he cooed. "I want to make her my next victim."

"Not happening," Gokudera snarled.

"Ushishishi. We'll see about that." Belphegor's smile was as dark and sharp as the knife he slowly pulled out. Fortunately for Haru and Gokudera, he got no further as a loud voice rang out.

"VOOOIII! Bel, don't harm that woman! Do you want the entire Varia legion to be punished for your actions?!"

Superbi Squalo, he of the long hair and piercing grey eyes, appeared suddenly and grabbed Belphegor by the scruff of his mink collar. "You're coming with me," the long-haired demon snapped, and gave Gokudera an apologetic look. "Listen, if you promise that the fourth circle remains untouched during next month's renovations, I'll keep this worm away from your wife."

Gokudera pursed his lips. "Fair enough."

Squalo nodded and stomped away, dragging Belphegor behind him. Gokudera turned to look at Haru, expecting to find his wife in tears or, at the very least, shaken. To his surprise, Haru was ecstatic.

"That was so exciting!" she exclaimed.

Gokudera stared at her. "Exciting? You consider almost getting mauled by hundreds of hungry, angry demons, the stuff of many humans' nightmares, to be _exciting_?!"

Haru folded her arms. "Well, yeah," she retorted defensively. "I wasn't really in any danger. You didn't have to rescue me."

Gokudera tried to speak, but somehow lost the ability to form a coherent sentence and could only make strange sounds. Haru involuntarily took a step back. "Follow me," he eventually managed to choke out.

He returned to Tsuna's residence, Haru trailing after him. Inside, Tsuna and Yamamoto were playing hopscotch. Leave it to two of the most powerful beings in Hell to go on play dates instead of actual dates. For the second time that day, Gokudera fought an urge to roll his eyes and said, in his most respectful voice, "Boss, my wife is here."

Tsuna proffered a hand. "Hello again."

Haru bowed and shook his hand. "I'm glad to see that you are doing well, sir."

Tsuna laughed. "You don't have to be so formal. I'm Tsuna, and this is Yamamoto."

Yamamoto winked at Gokudera and Haru. "Why don't you two have a honeymoon? Love must be celebrated." Not waiting for a reply, Yamamoto took Tsuna's hand and led the little boss away.

The newlyweds stood in embarrassed silence for a while. Presently, Gokudera roused himself. "Would you like a tour?" he asked briskly. "Some parts of Hell are safe for humans to visit. There's the hot springs, those are always nice, or we can go to-" Haru gave him a look that could only be described as 'angry', effectively stopping him mid-sentence. "What?"

Haru shook her head. "We got married, and then you disappeared for two months. I know our marriage isn't a conventional one by any stretch of the imagination, but come on. Not even a phone call or anything." She tilted her head and scrutinised him. "You do know how to use a phone, right? I don't know if demons move with the times."

"I do know how to use a phone," Gokudera said hoarsely. His voice creaked like an unoiled door hinge, and he had to clear his throat a few times. What was it about this woman that kept him feeling on edge? "I just…I didn't…"

Haru watched him verbally flounder for a moment, then sighed and turned away, her shoulder-length hair forming curtains to hide her face. "I know you don't want to be my husband, but can't we at least be friends?"

Gokudera pondered this suggestion. "That's…not such a bad idea, actually."

Haru snorted. "Good to know."

Gokudera offered her his arm and she took it. They left Tsuna's residence and began to walk around various regions of Hell. Gokudera provided explanations where necessary and Haru drank in all of the information curiously.

"That pillar over there isn't made of fire, it just looks like it is. Illusions, you know…don't go near that pile of debris, someone from the fifth circle is working on it and he doesn't like humans…ah, the hot springs aren't open today, that's too bad…stay away from the trident-headed snakes, they bite…"

"I've come to realise something," Haru said presently, interrupting Gokudera's rambling.

Gokudera glanced at her warily. "What is it?"

Haru studied their surroundings thoughtfully. "You guys are awfully nice for a bunch of demons."

"Not all of us are." Beside her, Gokudera did the same, sweeping his gaze over the glimmering buildings that towered over them on all sides. If not for the occasional burst of hellfire from a factory chimney here and there, they might have believed they were in a city on earth. A smiling male demon ambled past and tipped his hat to them; they nodded back. "Okay, that guy is, and my group and I definitely are, or at least we try to be. But there are also those like that blonde guy from earlier, Belphegor. He definitely can't be trusted, so for your own safety, I'd advise you to steer clear of him."

"Hahi, be careful." Haru let out an awkward laugh. "You're starting to sound like you might actually care about me."

Gokudera stared at her. "Don't you want me to?"

Haru rubbed the back of her neck. "Yeah, but…I know this is really sudden. We haven't even done anything more intimate than hug. Since we're married, shouldn't we…?" Her voice rose a little higher in pitch and became squeaky.

Gokudera coughed and looked away, trying to hide his blush. "Well, marriages arranged for the purpose of Harvesting a soul tend to be sexless. Such unions are considered nothing more than a business contract. Of course, if the mortal-in our case, that'd be you-wishes to initiate sexual contact, they may do so."

Haru looked at her feet. "I see."

A long, uncomfortable silence ensued. Fortunately-or unfortunately, depending on one's perspective-Mukuro eventually provided them with some form of distraction. Appearing as suddenly as if he had stepped out of thin air, he walked past and caught sight of them. "Good luck," he said sardonically, smirking at them.

Gokudera glared at him and was about to retort when he noticed the absence of Mukuro's beloved companion. "Where's Chrome?"

Mukuro shrugged, the very picture of nonchalance, but an almost imperceptible look of discomfort flitted across his face. "Shouldn't you be concerned about your own lover?" With a mock salute in Haru's direction, the pineapple-haired demon wandered away.

"Trouble in paradise?" Haru asked, watching Mukuro leave.

"Seems like it," Gokudera agreed, nodding. "He has a point, though."

Haru glanced at him, but said nothing.

"I haven't been very nice to you," he admitted. "I think we started off on the wrong foot. I don't know a lot about humans, which I suppose is kind of ironic, considering that I've been alive for so long. We'll only be married for a year, you know. Maybe we can try to, um, uh…" he stammered, aware that his nervousness was as plain as daylight.

She smiled and reached for his hand. "Hayato?"

"Yeah?" His voice did not sound like his own. Another Hayato Gokudera, one with a high-pitched voice unbefitting a demon, had temporarily taken over his body.

In all his millennia of existence, he had experienced many things and was rarely surprised. What happened next certainly counted amongst the few things that had ever caught him off guard.

Without any hesitation whatsoever-_careless, silly, beautiful girl_-she leaned forwards and, right there in the dark, burning realm of Hell, kissed him.


End file.
